ET Weasel Speaks Out Frankly… To Himself

In an effort to stay up with the latest trend in chess journalism, the OCB editorial staff is proud to present an interview between ET Weasel… and himself. This is really a great idea. It’s much easier to work out a mutually acceptable interview date and location. And of course, the interviewee is much better able to prepare for the questions. New OCA Patron Members, Barbara Walters and Larry King are following this development closely. Here we go, live from East Tulsa, inquiring minds need wait no longer:

Let’s start with the tough questions that some folks are asking.
Where did all the OCA members go?

Did they go somewhere? Last count, we’ve actually increased membership, if you exclude and/or include all of the bleary eyed OSCO kids that used to be forced to join the OCA to play in the scholastic state championships.

You’re not getting off that easy you, you, you Weasel. Why does a serious adult chess organization like the Oklahoma Chess FOUNDATION have 190 members and you only have about 120?

Are you serious? Haven’t you been reading what Ozzie of the Ozarks wrote in the Arkansas Chess News about what the OCF is doing to players from neighboring states? The OCF is forcing them to join to play in their tournaments to swell their members! We estimate that about half of the OCF members are from out-of-state, based on tournament participation at OCF required events. The OCA recognizes memberships in other states and is much more neighborly.

But, but, but… what about the Patron Members dropping from 75 to 25??
What do you have to say about that?

Well, the barely legible members list we received from Frank Berry when the OCA “records” were handed over listed 65 Patrons. At least 12 of them were from out of-state and we’re pretty certain that most of those and many others were paid for by former OCA officers to swell their members. Of course, we will never know for sure, since no OCA financial records were ever provided. And of course, their attack on well meaning Oklahoma chess players by disqualifying OCA tournament participants and Patrons from their overstuffed Grand Prix prizes couldn’t have had anything to do with it.

Speaking of prizes, what do you plan to do about the BIG $$$ OCF cash prizes? How can you compete with all those berry, berry big bucks??

The current OCA leadership plans to keep the BIG $$$ coming your way as long as possible; After all, those bucks didn't exist before us. The best way for us to do this is to continue holding financially responsible tournaments that have prizes and expenses supported by the entry fees. Using this approach, we can survive the Berries OCF $$$ hemorrhage indefinitely. This way you can be sure that the USCF State Chapter Affiliate OCA will still be organizing quality tournaments for everyone when the bleeding stops.

Ah, but what about the OCB not being published any more and only available on-line?
What do you have to say for yourself about that?

That’s really not a bad idea. But it’s time hasn’t yet arrived. Some folks still like to have that paper sent to them occasionally. The good news is, even if you misplace your OCB before completely reading it, you can go find all of the content and more on-line at www.ochess.org, even if you’re in a neighboring state and not forced to be a member.

Looky here, you cunning weasel, you can’t deny that the OCA is all about kiddy chess and no longer about real serious adult chess?

We can’t deny that some folks are trying to put an R rating or higher on some chess tournaments due to violence, strong language and other serious things. However, the OCA shares the USCF belief that chess is for everyone and our tournaments reflect that. OSCO is giving more kiddies the chance to gain experience and skill. Now some are graduating to the OCA. So we really do need to keep a G rating for OCA tournaments so that it’s clear that they’re truly for everyone.

You guys have some nerve duplicating the 60^th Jerry Spann FIDE Open. How can you justify putting on this 60^th Annual Heritage Event the week following the OCF one?

Hmmm, that Jerry Spann fellow must have really been something, even before the accomplishment he’s best known for in chess circles. It appears that the year of the 13^th Jerry Spann FIDE Open in 1958 was when he became USCF President at age 46. Now doesn’t that seem a bit odd? It’s really only been since the early 90s that the OCA began to honor Mr. Spann by dedicating its annual State Championship to him in subtitling that tournament as the Jerry Spann Memorial. So it seems that the OCF event is only about half qualified to be a Heritage Event. Also, one of the things Spann was recognized for was not wasting a lot of USCF money traveling the globe on FIDE business. In fact, he didn’t take a single international trip during his 2-years as USCF Pres. I wonder if he’s rolling in his grave to have FIDE next to his name on a tournament designed to harm the USCF recognized 60^th Annual Oklahoma Open State Championship and the USCF Oklahoma State Chapter Affiliate?

Aren’t you tired of all this division? Why don’t you cooperate with the OCF guys that want to unify Oklahoma chess and end all this?

Well now, there’s an interesting idea. Let’s not reunite Oklahoma chess under the long-time official USCF state chapter affiliate OCA that now has leaders who simply want to allow everyone to enjoy chess and which has been in existence literally since 1946 or so. Instead, let’s simply let the OCF buy “reunification” for us in whatever brand they prefer, regardless of aftertaste. The OCF hasn’t even been able to cooperate on something as simple as the tournament schedule. So, it makes sense that the OCA should have to do all of the “cooperating”. Yes sir, let’s just completely ignore the OCA democratic process that is now functioning better than ever before. Instead let’s give in to those who have cried long and loud and hard enough about losing a legal election that they ran themselves. Yep, we should simply let them have their way so they can extort, bully and exclude people, and with the added authority as the USCF State Chapter Affiliate. Now there’s an interesting concept. You can’t really be “serious”?

Sure, I’m a “serious” chess player. Doesn’t generosity make up for a lot of evil? Look at all of that money that’s been thrown at Oklahoma chess since the June 2003 OCA election. If we simply reunite under the OCF, wouldn’t the guys throwing all the money around be happy and keep spending forever?

Hmmm, what are they trying to buy? Is it really loyalty and unity? Or is it power and control? Or is it simply about paying to punish those who dared to stand up to them? Or is all this worth it to once again organize the lucrative championship tournaments and scholastics? Or do some folks simply like the sound of all those little lock-step goose-step feet of the bleary eyed kiddies clutching their OCA membership cards? Or could it simply be all about somehow trying to regain some precious self-importance and recognition for doing things that many other people could do, if they weren’t excluded? Most importantly, after they get all these things that are so dear to them, do you really think they will keep paying for them, especially to those they called freeloaders in June 2003? Get a grip man! You can’t be “serious”!!

But they say they’re benefactors. They’ve even formed a FOUNDATION! How can anyone argue with something as generous as that?

Have you bothered to check with the IRS or even the State of Oklahoma and see if any “Oklahoma Chess Foundation” really exists? It seems that anyone can call themselves a “foundation”, as long as they don’t get caught accepting tax exempt donations. The only reason it’s a “foundation” is because the US Chess Federation strongly objected to a new Oklahoma Chess “Federation” in the USA. So, they had to find another F-word to keep the OCF name. If they ever regain control of Oklahoma chess, you may find out what the F really means.

What about all of the scholastic chess profits? I hear those tournaments are really profitable. What is OSCO doing with all of that money?

Before OSCO’s founders got involved, scholastic chess tournament entry fees were actually higher. Also, the kids had to not only join the OCA, but also the state scholastic chess “organization”, for a total of $10 per kid per year. Even with all of that additional money flowing in, the scholastic organization went bankrupt. The OCF recently offered $2000 in savings bonds with 30 trophies as awards for their scholastic open, and attracted a whopping 14 players at $25 apiece (OCF included). Yep, scholastics sound like a really lucrative deal to me, especially with lower entry fees, many more organizers, and a bigger state scholastic association with a great website and absolutely no dues. It’s amazing that scholastics under OSCO are now doing so well, with so little.

Ok E.T., but aren’t the recent huge prize funds a demonstration of the OCF’s omnipotent ability at chess directorship and money laun… fundraising?

Yes, this is a tough one, but I’ll borrow a phrase from a competent banker friend. “This is why we don’t give checkbooks to monkeys. It’s an act against nature.” Academic Weasels everywhere can do the math on this one. A recent extrapolation from past OCA tournaments to current OCF tournaments indicates that only $100,000 is needed to guaranty 100 Oklahoma Chess players at your next Oklahoma FIDE event. Let’s see how generous they really are, and for how long… OCA tournaments are managed in a financially responsible manner, even with prizes that are significantly better than before June 2003. We can certainly afford to wait until the monkey gets tired of writing checks.